I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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