she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
