We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
