tell your sister to shave her snatch
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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