just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
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She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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