he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
