good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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