U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
