you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
