nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
