she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I am available for nakedness
Randomize