I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I am available for nakedness
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
