U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
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