He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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