Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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