well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
