i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
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I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
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Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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