He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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