I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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