Barsexuality is the new black.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
