I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
why is half of my head shaved?
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