she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
