I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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