Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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