i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
