Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
