loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
