Just cropdusted the office
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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