that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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