is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
