I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
