So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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