Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
