I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
