So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
