He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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