You smell like a Billy Joel song
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
