it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
