As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
