I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
