If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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