I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just threw up on my dentist
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
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i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
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she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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