i was rollin on her like bob the builder
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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