I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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