Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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