Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize