96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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