The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
