If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
