I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
