One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
