Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
