i will never coherently bang her
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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