Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
