No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
