..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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