i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
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