so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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