blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
