i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
