Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
