ya dads aren't the best wingmen
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
