Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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