Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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