After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
