She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So much rum. So many feels.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
